


The Selfish Gene Theory

by PunishedPyotr



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Frottage, Liquid is dumb and kind of slutty, M/M, Non-Consensual Bondage, dick-measuring contest gone wrong, extremely mild dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13732815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunishedPyotr/pseuds/PunishedPyotr
Summary: Liquid, again, looked unreasonably offended by Snake’s disinterest. Snake wondered if he should outright remind the guy that he was a hostage completely and utterly at his mercy. Seemed like he wasn’t exactly the brightest crayon the shed.





	The Selfish Gene Theory

**Author's Note:**

> Woohoo first time writing daddy kink I have no idea what I'm doing

Snake tried to weigh his options here.

He’d been maybe halfway through another session of electric shock torture when Ocelot had abruptly stopped, saying that Snake needed a breather and it was important not to push him too hard in an “interrogation” or else Snake would die and Ocelot would get in trouble with his boss. (Snake didn’t really get why Liquid would be upset with him dying, but whatever. Maybe his obvious drama queen ass wanted to do it himself.) Then Ocelot had left the room entirely, and Snake got the unsettling impression that he was beelining for the nearest restroom to whack off.

Being strapped into the torture device with very little room for movement, there wasn’t much Snake could _do_. Certainly escape wasn’t an option - even if someone released him, right now he felt too fried to scramble away and disappear into the shadows. What Snake was trying to decide was if he preferred being left strapped to the rack or dragged back to the cell. On one hand: no non-negotiable quality time with a rotting corpse. On the other hand: knowing that Ocelot could walk back in at any second wasn’t doing his extra-crispy nerves any favors.

Snake’s ears pricked up at the sound of the torture chamber’s door opening with a soft mechanical hiss. Couldn’t be Ocelot returning - Snake couldn’t hear any spurs. In fact, he couldn’t hear anything; he almost thought that a passing guard had tripped the sensor somehow and no one had entered the room at all, but then Liquid came into his field of vision.

Neither of them said anything. Liquid frowned at him. Once again Snake appreciated how bizarrely similar they looked and begrudgingly admitted there was some merit to Liquid’s claim that they were brothers. Twins. Couldn’t be anything else at this point, Snake had been told Liquid’s age during the briefing.

So, Snake supposed, Liquid’s staring at him was completely natural. Who wouldn’t be interested in their own twin when finally meeting him at age 32? …well, Snake wasn’t, but Liquid _definitely_ took the whole ‘brothers’ thing much more seriously than Snake did.

Though… Snake wasn’t sure how _brotherly_ it was to circle around the torture device, checking said brother out like he was a specimen in a museum. Or maybe a piece of meat. Or was Snake projecting?

“Can I help you?” Snake said lamely. His voice was hoarse.

Liquid blinked, like he’d been snapped out of a reverie. “We don’t look exactly the same,” he said thoughtfully.

_No shit, Sherlock_ , Snake bit back his comment. Maybe Liquid was… colorblind or something, and genuinely didn’t realize the difference between blonds and brunets, to say nothing of Snake’s shabby alcoholic pastiness versus Liquid’s gorgeous nude-beach-on-the-Mediterranean-coast tan. Seemed like it’d be a handicap in his field, though.

“For instance, _you_ have stubble, and I can’t grow anything better than some pathetic peach fuzz that can’t really be seen anyway.”

Oh. He meant finer details.

Liquid’s eyes flicked down. “I have better legs than you, though,” he said firmly.

Snake just grunted. He was way too exhausted for this, and was seriously reconsidering the DARPA chief’s company being listed as a ‘con’.

Liquid leaned a little closer, narrowing his eyes and frowning a little more. “I think I have better pecs, too. And abs.”

“Good for you,” Snake said.

“You sound like you don’t believe me,” Liquid said, sounding remarkably offended for a guy who just got insulted by his very own prisoner.

“Look, if you want to tell yourself that…”

Snake trailed off as Liquid quickly unbuttoned his coat and opened it - didn’t take it off entirely, just opened it. He did look good, but Snake was mostly just speechless about the fact that he did some kind of strange mini-striptease _just like that_ and also it seemed… odd to not be wearing a shirt under his coat. In Alaska. In February. During a blizzard. And he’d gone outside like this.

Also, Snake was pretty sure any differences in torso musculature between the two of them was completely negligible.

“You’re staring,” Liquid said smugly.

“Uh… okay. Sure. Nice chest. Better than mine. You done here?”

“No, I’m still looking.”

“…why?”

“I’m interested in seeing how we differ,” Liquid said like it was obvious, his eyes trailing over Snake’s body again. Snake was starting to feel kind of uncomfortable — and was starting to wonder whether Liquid was a pervert with a flimsy excuse, or a genuine fucking idiot.

Snake was kinda leaning towards the former, though, when Liquid stepped forward and reached behind him, grabbing a handful of butt. Except… the touch didn’t really _feel_ like it was supposed to be sexual, and while Liquid’s expression did change it was only one of indignance now.

“You have a better arse than I do,” he muttered sourly.

“Okay,” Snake said, not knowing what else to say.

Liquid, again, looked unreasonably offended by Snake’s disinterest. Snake wondered if he should outright remind the guy that he was a hostage completely and utterly at his mercy. Seemed like he wasn’t exactly the brightest crayon the shed.

“What is this,” Snake said, “some kind of dick-measuring contest?”

Liquid blinked, considered it for a moment. “Is it supposed to be hands or feet that roughly correspond with penis size? or was it noses?”

“I don’t remember,” Snake said honestly.

“Hm. Suppose I’ll just look at it directly then.”

Jesus _Christ_ he was matter-of-fact about this. Just went straight for the crotch of Snake’s sneaking suit and opened it up - he seemed familiar with the suit, but then again being in charge of FOXHOUND and all, that would be expected, wouldn’t it? Though it didn’t, of course, explain why the _fuck_ he was drawing Snake’s limp cock out of his pants like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“I see we’re both uncircumcized,” Liquid said, thankfully stepping back again, “that’s interesting.”

Snake was pretty sure he’d be more comfortable with this if Liquid _had_ delivered that line like something out of a bad porno. He _actually_ used the same tone of voice he did while commenting on Snake’s facial hair.

“Right,” Snake said warily, “so who’s bigger?” Best to just get this over with so Liquid could go on his weird little way and Snake could go back to getting tortured by a more honest pervert. Unless, again, Liquid was just dumb and literally did not understand (or at least have it occur to him) that this was creepy and inappropriate.

Snake kind of hoped that Liquid _wasn’t_ that stupid. He didn’t exactly have a lot of faith in the US government to begin with, but surely the Army was capable of putting down a rebellion headed up by a walking blonde joke _without_ dragging Snake out of retirement and away from his huskies.

“…I’m not sure,” Liquid said after an uncomfortably long period of him just staring blankly at Snake’s dick and worrying his glove with his teeth. “We must be close in size.”

“The same, then?” Snake said. Seemed like a reasonable conclusion to him. _Please go away!_

“No, one of us has to be bigger! I’ll just…” Liquid unzipped his own pants, and again Snake had to ask himself: Clueless or sex pest? It was hard to tell. Maybe it hinged on whether or not he’d be done with this once he had his answer about their respective lengths.

Liquid looked at his own cock, to Snake’s, back to his own, back to Snake’s, and still seemed unable to come to a conclusion. Snake dryly noted that they were, in fact, very close in size.

“Hold still,” Liquid said, standing _way_ too close all of a sudden. “If they’re right next to each other, then the differences will be obvious.”

“Uh—“

Maybe Snake should have warned him that was a bad idea but he didn’t and now, between the extremely close proximity of an admittedly hot man and the fact that said hot man was pawing at his groin in an effort to wrangle his dick into being held flush against his own… Snake’s dick got suddenly _very_ interested in the proceedings.

Liquid snarled. “Hey! That isn’t fair!”

“W…What?” Snake said, coughing a little. He could probably blame this on the fact that the recent electroshock torture had left him feeling a bit oversensitive, right?

“If you’re hard, then you’ll seem bigger than me! That is _cheating!_ ”

Clueless. Definitely clueless.

“I can’t just will it away,” Snake said shortly.

“But then how am I supposed to- ugh. Fine. I’ll play it your way,” Liquid said, and started stroking himself. Snake watched with wide eyes. Was he really this easy? Maybe the Army could have derailed this whole rebellion just by sending in a cheap hooker to tell Liquid she lost her keys up her vag and needed his help to find them.

And of course Liquid didn’t back the fuck off as he jerked himself to stiffness, no, he had to do that _right next to_ and _touching_ Snake’s own increasingly insistent erection. Just the _sight_ would have been bad enough. Liquid seemed to be getting sort of upset that Snake was just getting harder and harder as Liquid tried to catch up with him.

“There,” Liquid said breathlessly after a few minutes. He pushed up against Snake, staring down at their crotches. Snake was dripping already. “Now we can tell. What do you think?”

“Nn…”

“Very helpful, brother.”

_God, don’t call me that when you’re right up against me like this…_ Snake tried to shift away from him, but the movement just… well… it was movement. Snake’s cock didn’t particularly care that the other dick it was brushing up against was attached to his newly-discovered biological brother.

Well, shit. Maybe he could use this for something.

“Dick size doesn’t matter,” Snake said, licking his lips frenetically.

Liquid looked up at him. “What?” he said. He looked stunned - a strangely innocent expression considering the boners in here… to say nothing of the terrorism, or the fact that Snake was still being restrained via a device that had been shocking him half to death about fifteen minutes ago.

Snake put on his best ‘I know what I’m talking about, just trust me’ voice. “What matters is how big your balls are,” he said. “And I’m sure that’d be easier to see.”

“…I suppose you have a point,” Liquid said, “but first I want to figure out-“

“Really?”

“What?” Offended again.

Considering Liquid’s coat was still open, Snake took a calculated risk that Liquid was very sensitive to being called a chicken. “You’re just afraid that mine are bigger.”

“No, I’m not! I mean, they aren’t!!”

“Then you’re not even going to look?”

“I’d have to take off your pants for that,” Liquid sniffed. “And in order to do _that_ , I’d have to unstrap your ankles from the machine!”

Yeah, that was the point, moron. “So?”

“So, you would kick me! Please, Snake, I’m not stupid.”

_Yeah, right_. “So you’re afraid of me kicking you? Like you can’t just step out of range as soon as I get _one_ in? I guess if you really think I can take you out with one kick…”

“Of course not!” Liquid snapped, incensed. Snake thought it was more attractive when he was acting like a ditz instead of a brat. “Fine. Fine! I’ll show you—“ he stomped off to the control panel, grumbling. Snake silently prayed that he wouldn’t get his buttons mixed up and accidentally(?) kill him.

He didn’t, though, and Snake’s ankle restraints clicked open - with the unfortunate side effect of shifted his weight all onto his shoulders. He could take it for now, especially since the rack was on a slight incline, but it was going to be hell in the long run.

Liquid quickly returned to stand in front of Snake. As promised, Snake attempted to kick him. It actually would have been a very good kick (if a tad uncoordinated due to the recent torture), had it been directed towards anyone other than Liquid. Liquid just grappled his legs - shanghaiing them right around his _waist, god_ \- and went back to pressing flush against him and trying to figure out whose cock was bigger.

“I thought you were going to take off my pants,” Snake groaned, tilting his head back. If he couldn’t wriggle his way out of captivity then he could at least have _this_ , couldn’t he?

“In a minute, brother,” Liquid said, squinting down at their dicks. “I just want to settle on…”

“If it’s taking you this long, then we must be the same size. Why does it matter?”

“Because I want to be _better_ than you with _something!_ ”

_Holding me prisoner isn’t enough, huh?_ Snake thought, but he was tired, this was hot, and this cretin was _right fucking there_.

Snake slowly rolled his hips.

Liquid didn’t seem to get it at first, simply throwing Snake an irritated glance for moving while he was trying to measure. Snake repeated the move, making pointed eye contact, before Liquid could go run for a ruler.

“…what are you doing?” Liquid said, like he really didn’t know.

Snake just raised his eyebrows.

“…” Liquid glanced down again. He seemed uncertain, and kind of confused. It was sort of… cute?

How the _hell_ did this space case take over an entire military installation with just six people and a bunch of souped-up half-wits?

Snake crossed his ankles and jerked Liquid towards him, so that they were chest-to-chest and erections squished together. Liquid went bright red. He looked surprised.

“Snake, what are you doing?” Liquid growled, visibly perplexed and embarrassed. Flustered.

“What does it _look_ like I’m doing?” Snake said flatly.

“You’re… you’re making it difficult to work out which one of us is-“

“Liquid, do I _really_ look like I _care_ about your stupid dick-measuring contest?”

Liquid gaped at him. He had a pretty mouth. Figuring that he was about to retreat, Snake drew him a little closer and bucked his hips up against him. Liquid made a little breathy noise, raising one hand to chew on his glove again. He had ‘I don’t know how I got myself into this?!’ written all over his face, but Snake suspected that Liquid would rather die than admit he lost control of the situation.

“Wait-“ Liquid said, “wait— I don’t think this is-!“

“What’s the matter?”

“I think th-this… I think this escalated to a really weird place!”

“You _think?_ ” Snake said incredulously. Had it really never crossed his mind that penis jousting _might_ lead to some good old fashioned bondage humping? Was he really _that_ naïve?

For the first time, the thought crossed Snake’s mind that this whole Shadow Moses thing was not, or at least not wholly, Liquid’s idea.

“A-Are we having sex?” Liquid said, eyes wide.

“Sure,” Snake said, grinding on him.

“B-But… but we’re _brothers_ , brothers don’t d- _do_ that kind of—“

“Liquid, shut up.”

Liquid only had about two seconds to look affronted again before Snake squeezed his legs around his waist and began humping him in earnest. Liquid squirmed, but didn’t outright protest, and after a moment or two started panting around his glove, his other hand gripping hard at Snake’s hip. Another few moments and he leaned forward, clinging to Snake, thankfully letting him take some of weight off his shoulders.

“B-Brother…” Liquid moaned quietly, starting to rut up against him in return.

“Feels good, huh?” Snake said.

“I-I’m… I’m having s-sex with my o-own _twin_ ,” Liquid stammered, “th-this is so…”

“Hot?” Snake guessed.

Liquid whimpered, melting against him. “Snake… ah…”

Shit, it _was_ pretty hot. And kind of funny that Liquid was giving in so thoroughly - the arrogant (and insane) FOXHOUND commander, topped by a guy who was still strapped down? _Really?_

“You l-look so m-much like Father…” Liquid murmured, and Snake’s hips stuttered in their movements. He probably shouldn’t be as shaken by the statement as he was, considering he was literally at that moment in the middle of incestuous frottage. Twincest wasn’t much of a step above father/son.

“Do I?” Snake said, blinking.

“Mm-mhmm…”

Snake took another gamble. “Then are you going to be a good boy for me?”

Liquid shuddered, drawing back enough to look at Snake with unfocused eyes. “Good…?” he echoed vaguely.

Snake purposefully lowered and roughened his voice in his best imitation of Big Boss. “Be a good boy for daddy?”

Fuck, he could actually feel Liquid’s dick jerk at that. He looked like he was about to either faint or nut right then. “D-Daddy,” he stammered, his movements against Snake getting more frantic. “Daddy, daddy—-“

“You haven’t been good, though,” Snake levered himself forward to whisper in Liquid’s ear. “What’s all this about a ‘revolution’?”

“I-I’m just following your dream, daddy, your dying wish-“ Liquid babbled, and Snake filed that information away for later. He really had no idea what the fuck Liquid meant by that but hey, now he could justify molesting him as being mission-related. He would just… not tell Colonel Campbell _how_ exactly he got this tidbit. Hey, maybe he could keep going in this vein, too. Liquid was airheaded enough…

“So no one told you to do this? This was your idea alone?”

“I-I don’t… daddy…”

“Come on. Talk to me.”

Liquid whined. “It all h-happened so fast, daddy,” he panted, “you w-would have been p-proud of me f-f-for once, d-daddy, no one even s-saw it coming… mmn, daddy…!”

Maybe getting useful intel from an idiot running his mouth during sex was harder than Snake thought. “How many people do you let take advantage of you like this?” Snake asked instead.

“Ummm… w-well…”

So probably the rest of the unit. Got it.

Snake sighed, and it turned into a shaky groan. His climax wasn’t that far off, and Liquid’s spastic bucking was bringing it closer and closer with every thrust - as was the way he kept moaning “Daddy, daddy” against Snake’s neck. Snake was kind of wondering if he’d genuinely broken the man’s brain, and if that counted as neutralizing him or not. Probably?

“So my little boy’s a slut, huh,” Snake said abruptly, once again readjusting his legs so that Liquid had barely any room to move now and just had to rely on Snake grinding against him for pleasure. “Aren’t you?”

“I-I’m sorry, daddy,” Liquid gasped, his eyelids fluttering. “I’m s-such a whore, l-look at what we’re d-doing…”

“Right in the middle of the room where anyone could walk in at any time…”

“Ahhah, daddy— don’t w-worry, daddy, it’s n-nothing they haven’t seen before!”

Definitely the rest of the unit, then? Man, FOXHOUND had really gone downhill since Snake retired. Who did Liquid suck off to get installed as commander? Would he have even realized that was pretty skeevy, or was it innocent and normal in his mind, or at least fair game?

“Daddy, I-I’m close…”

“Ah— what, do you want permission or something?”

“Yes?”

Whatever. “Fine. Be a good boy and cum for daddy.”

…wait, fuck. He should have let him go and told him to go ejaculate someplace _other_ than right onto Snake’s stomach. A little late now, though. Liquid’s whole body seized and he moaned, shuddering through an orgasm, hot and sticky on Snake’s skin.

“Good boy,” Snake said absent-mindedly, his voice clipped. Just a little more…

“Daddy,” Liquid breathed, his knees buckling, “daddy, I love you…”

Snake unhooked his legs from around Liquid’s waist after he got off, too, letting Liquid sink to the floor, where he gazed up at Snake for several long minutes, blissed out, as they both caught their breaths.

Snake was already realizing that, in retrospect, thinking with his dick in the middle of an op was not the most intelligent move he could have made, either.

Oh well. Nothing to it. Now he just had to wait for Liquid to come to his senses and see what he’d do then. Hopefully tuck Snake’s dick away for him, or ideally let him go entirely out of sheer embarrassment.

Speaking of embarrassment, Liquid’s mind had evidently finally processed he’d just pretty much bottomed for his hostage twin brother while pretending he was their father, and Liquid’s eyes widened in apparent horror. He opened his mouth, visibly scrambling for a response, but quickly gave up on that - jumped up, fumbled with his pants, clutched his coat closed and fled the room without another word.

Freak.

And an inconsiderate one that. Snake was left awkwardly bracing his feet against the rack to keep from straining his shoulders too bad, with his dick still out and about two loads’ worth of semen on his abs. And it was like this that Ocelot finally reappeared and gave Snake a once-over.

There was a long pause. Ocelot looked unimpressed. Snake decided not to say anything.

“…yes,” Ocelot said at length, turning back to the control panel of the torture device, “he can be like that sometimes.”


End file.
